This post is all about how to set healthy boundaries with friends.
Do boundaries make you ‘high-maintainence’?
Have you met someone before that gave boundaries a bad reputation?
And now you’re wondering if having boundaries makes you a difficult person?
Or maybe you’re thinking that all of your relationships are good (especially with your friends!) so you don’t need to have set boundaries with them?
Well, let’s be honest for a quick moment –
Having boundaries does not make you high maintenance.
When you create and uphold boundaries for yourself, you are honoring what you’re comfortable with and signaling to other people how to act with and around you.
You are not responsible for how people respond to your boundaries. You are responsible for setting and honoring them.
We want others to be present and be positive experiences in our lives which is why we need to uphold our boundaries so we can show up the same way in theirs.
If your boundaries (or lack thereof) are constantly being crossed and ignored, it’s difficult to feel like you’re living your best life.
Boundaries could be your friend knowing what’s said in private, stays in private.
Or that there are certain relationships in your life that they should respect and honor with their words.
But they don’t always have to be huge limits…
They could also be as simple as your friends understanding when you need to stop texting so you can get the sleep you need, or knowing when you’re working towards a goal and need encouragement.
No one knows what you are willing and not willing to accept for yourself so you have to communicate your boundaries.
Trust me, having the conversation sooner will save you from a more uncomfortable moment later (and that moment will come).
What does setting boundaries look like?
Your friends enjoy you and want to see you thrive the same as you want them to find happiness.
So be honest with each other, with what you’re feeling and what you’re thinking, and know what your limits are.
It doesn’t make you a bad friend if you’re completely overwhelmed and can’t handle their stress on top of yours.
Be honest and tell them that, they’ll understand and respect your wishes.
But if you ignore yourself and take on what they have (in addition to your personal stress) –
Now you’re not there for them as a friend AND you’re over your limit.
You don’t have to be everything for everyone.
But they won’t know what you can and can’t handle if you’re not being honest and upholding those boundaries for yourself.
Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.Anna Taylor
Start here and set healthy boundaries with friends:
I found this great blog post that listed these steps:
- Clearly identify your boundary.
- Understand why you need the boundary.
- Be straight forward.
- Don’t apologize or give long explanations.
- Use a calm and polite tone.
- Start with tighter boundaries.
- Address boundary violations early.
- Don’t make it personal.
- Use a support system.
- Trust your intuition.
When you choose to make something a boundary of yours, it doesn’t have to be announced as a big deal.
You can decide you’re not going to let someone talk to you a certain way and the next time they do, you can politely say “I would prefer you didn’t… “
Trust me, they’ll be glad to know and will remember not to do it again.
When you don’t enforce your boundaries and you’re constantly put into situations that leave you uncomfortable that makes for a much worse confrontation down the line.
And what defending your boundaries comes down to is – are you choosing to honor your authentic feelings or your people-pleasing facade?
Keeping the peace only affects you, that person won’t know they crossed the line and now you’re the only one left in this state of toxic passivity.
Boundaries however are not an excuse to fight everything.
Don’t be that person with a bone to pick against the world but do honor what you are and aren’t comfortable with.
And remember… they are your friends. They’ll understand.
Sometimes the person you need to battle the most in honoring yourself…
If that feels relatable then you should also check out this blog post.
Did you find this helpful? Are you ready to start honoring yourself with your boundaries?
Send me a message on Instagram and let me know what boundaries you’re proud to have!
© Woman of Culture 2021